Today is a big day at our house!  Three months ago, our baby boy, Alexander, was placed into our arms.  Because of the circumstances of his adoption, we had to sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement with the attorney handling the adoption.  One of the things that we were not allowed to do was post any pictures or words relating to the adoption or Alexander on any social media platform for three months.  Which seems like no big deal, but it has been WAY harder than I thought it would!

I mean come on!  We just got a baby that we had been waiting for over 2 years!  I wanted to shout it from the rooftops! I wanted to post 100 pictures a day!  I wanted everyone to know our happy news!  But I couldn’t share! It was really difficult.

As a result of this, so many people had no idea! Just last week I saw a cousin that I hadn’t seen for a while and she was surprised to learn we had a new baby!  We had told all of our families first thing, and just expected the news to travel through the grapevine.  But without social media, the news just didn’t make it to everyone.

 

But today is the day! Welcome to the world Alexander!

 

This picture was taken by my dad on the day we brought Alexander home

 

You are such a sweet, happy, amazing little guy. And we are truly the luckiest people to have you in our family and for you to be our son!  We love you more than you could ever imagine!

We also got a call from our attorney recently and our court date to finalize his adoption is September 18!!!! It cannot come soon enough!

Let me back up now and tell you how this all happened.  We had been trying to adopt for >2 years.  Over that time, we were almost always in contact with at least one birth mom.  But none of them worked out-that is a lot of failed adoptions.  I was heartbroken.

The anxiety I felt nearly every day was more than I could bear anymore.  So, in October of 2017 we called it quits.  We both wanted another child in our family but going through the adoption process was clearly not working for us.  Later, Jeron actually told me that he had said a prayer

 

“If we are meant to have another baby it is going to have to fall into our laps because we can’t keep going this way.”

 

The next 5 months were very difficult.  I was grieving, feeling like a failure and quitter, and totally hopeless.  When things continued getting harder, instead of easier, Jeron and I decided that I should probably start taking an anti-depressant or find a therapist.  The choice was clear – I needed both!  I got a prescription for Prozac and set up an appointment with a therapist within the week.

I’ve never been big on taking any kind of medication so I decided to really throw myself into the therapy and save the medication as a last resort if therapy didn’t seem to help.  Therapy is DEFINITELY not a quick fix, but after most sessions I felt a little lighter.  And I had very small breakthroughs along the way.  Somedays still felt like 1 step forward and 2 steps back.

But then one day, it seemed like everything came together in a BIG way.

I was definitely not cured, but I felt peace…REAL PEACE.  And I hadn’t felt that for months.  And even though I knew there were still going to be hard days, I knew, deep down, that I could handle it now.  I knew that everything was going to be ok, and more importantly, I knew I was going to be ok!

I kid you not -less then a week later Jeron called me from work and told me that he had just got off the phone with our attorney, Jeff *.  He told Jeron that there was a couple who wanted to place baby for adoption and asked if we would be interested in showing them our profile.  He told us everything he knew about the situation and baby, which wasn’t much.

• It was a 6-month-old baby boy (my heart literally skipped a beat!)
• The baby had some hearing loss, but he didn’t know the extent.
• They wanted to place the baby within the week. But it might take two weeks (they were going to court in 4 days to see if the judge would allow them to place the baby a week early)
• The couple placing the baby had actually adopted the baby as a new-born from the Marshall Islands. They wanted to finalize his adoption and then immediately re-place him.
• He said that their reason was that they hadn’t bonded with the baby.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW!?!?!?!  IS THIS REAL LIFE?!?!?!?

There were so many emotions at that moment!  Excitement, hope, dread, anxiety, sadness, happiness, everything! I didn’t know what to think.  And he needed an answer ASAP!

Jeff was compiling 5-10 profiles for the couple, Jack* and Jill*, and wanted to have it to them that day.  We had nothing to lose, so we went for it! But I am telling you that if we would have had more time to make the decision we might not have done it.  After all, I literally felt like I was barely beginning to heal.

Later that same day, Jeff called us back and told us that Jack and Jill liked our profile and would like to talk to us.  He gave us their phone number and said they wanted us to call them the next day. He said that of all the profiles he sent them, we were the only ones they chose to contact.

Not knowing what time would be good for them, we sent a text in the morning asking when we should call.  They responded quickly that 7pm would work well for them.

 

Photo by Kylielin Photography

 

LONGEST DAY EVER!

I was trying sooooooo hard to not completely lose my mind!  I felt like I paced all day! But eventually 7 o’clock came around.  Jeron and I put his cell on speaker phone and placed the call.  It started ringing.  I was so nervous I thought I would be sick.  It rang again.  The butterflies in my stomach were relentless.  It rang and rang and rang. I could barely breathe.  The ringing continued until the voice mail picked up.  I was shocked! And relieved!  Jeron left a short message and hung up.

I immediately began thinking all the worst things. Maybe they changed their minds.  Maybe they decided to keep their baby. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Jeron and I just sat there for a few minutes staring and each other.

Then his phone rang!

Breathe Becky, breathe! “Hello,” Jeron answered.

What followed can only be described as the most uncomfortable and awkward conversation that I have literally ever experienced.  While Jill seemed friendly enough, Jack came across as very blunt and even abrasive at times. We learned that the past 6 months had been extremely difficult for them, but not because of the baby. They had just had one bad thing after another, and to top it all off Jack was losing his job the following week.  They were planning on leaving town as soon as they placed Alexander into a new home.

We also learned that Alexander was diagnosed with mild-to-moderate hearing loss at birth.  He had hearing aids for both ears and had had them since he was very little (1-2 months old).  They made it clear that they were not placing him for adoption because he had this challenge.

We also learned that Alexander’s birth mom was from the Marshall Islands and that she had come to the United States to deliver him and place him with Jack and Jill.  Shortly after his birth she returned home.

It seemed like any time we asked about Alexander or their situation Jack would say something like, “Well either you want a baby or you don’t! If you don’t want him there are plenty of people who would be thrilled to get him.”

Or, “There are so many people who would be willing and ready to take him today, so if you’re not ready then we will just give him to them.”

Whoa!

I was really uncomfortable by then.  Not only because of the content of the conversation, but because it was taking place over the phone.  Phone conversations always seem more awkward to me, and I would 1000% rather talk to someone in person!

I was very grateful when we all decided that we would meet for breakfast the next morning.  They had a court date to finalize their adoption of Alexander on March 12, 2018. But they were going to talk to the judge on March 5 to see if they could move up the finalization by a week.  They were hoping that if they told the judge they already had a family ready and waiting for Alexander that it would help persuade him to let them place earlier.

This was an important step.  If they didn’t finalize the adoption, they would not legally be his parents and could not place Alexander for adoption.  He would end up (I’m assuming) in foster care.  I really believe that Jack and Jill loved Alexander so much, and I can’t imagine what kind of things they had been going through that led them to the decision to re-place him for adoption.

I am forever grateful to them for being strong enough to do it.

They had tried for four years to adopt a baby! And were clearly heart-broken to hand him over to us.  Remember how I said my boys were MIRACLES!?!?! This little baby was born to a young, single mom in the Marshall Islands and somehow, through an unforeseeable series of events ended up being adopted twice before finding his home with us.

March 3, 2017 was the day I got to meet my son.  I will always remember the first glimpse I got of this precious, smiley, amazing boy.  My heart was so full it just about burst.  I felt like I had known him forever.

 

I just kept thinking, “You found us, we found you, and everything is going to be ok now.”

 

The conversation over breakfast was still felt very uncomfortable to me, but we got through it.  When Jack kept saying things about how they could find someone else if we didn’t want him, I realized maybe they weren’t sure we were totally on board.

The way that I understood adoption was that the birth parents (in their case, the parents placing the baby) got to choose the adoptive parents, but I think they wanted us to choose them and Alexander.  So, we made it very clear that we were on board.  We were ready!  And if they went to court in two days and the judge approved it, we would be ready to have Alexander placed with us the following day.

That seemed to help Jack feel a little better, but I could tell he was very uncomfortable doing this and so we set up to talk to them again the next day.  I honestly don’t remember anything from that phone call other than us reassuring them that we wanted Alexander and that we would be ready for him no matter what day they chose to place him with us.  We also asked them to let us know how things went in court on Monday.

This is an amazingly short adoption story.

From the first call that set it all in motion until the baby was in our home was 2 weeks.  But those two weeks felt like 100 years.  And certain days felt like 90 of those years.  Monday was one of those days.  We didn’t hear from them all day!  But we contacted our attorney to see how everything had gone in court.  We were so anxious!

If they got their wish to finalize early we would be bringing a baby home in two days!!!

The judge denied their request.  They would have to wait until March 12^th to finalize.  Which meant that the earliest they could place him with us was the 13^th.  There is a law that states that you have to wait 24 hours after a baby is born (or in this case, becomes legally theirs) before you can sign away your parental rights and place a baby for adoption.

So, we had one week to prepare instead of 2 days!  Although I am sure we could have been ready in two days, I am grateful that we had a little more time to prepare and process.  But it was a long week! During that time, we had the chance to get to know Jack and Jill a little better and to spend a little time with Alexander!

After talking to Jeff on March 12^th, we found out that Alexander was going to be placed with us on  March 14^th at 9am!!!

We arrived a little early to talk to Jeff and settled into his office just after 9am.  Then we waited…and waited…and waited.  After about 20 minutes, Jeff told us that Jack and Jill had been 15 minutes late to court and that we shouldn’t be too worried.  And then we waited…

And waited…

And waited…

And waited…

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t starting to wonder if they were going to go through with the adoption.

I believe they finally got there about 10am. They were taken into the conference room with their case worker.  The notary was waiting outside room until they were ready to sign the papers.

I literally lost track of time after this.  I just know it took forever! Every few minutes we would get an update.  And time and again it was just that the notary had not gone it yet.  I don’t know how long we waited until we got word that he had finally gone in, but moments later he came out and said that they had not signed the papers!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

We just had to hang tight while Jeff was figuring out what was going on.  Again, I don’t know how long we waited but we finally got word that the notary had gone in again and they had signed the papers!  Their case worker came into Jeff’s office and said that Jack and Jill were not ready to see us yet but asked to see Jeff.

More waiting!  But at least this time I had the assurance that they had signed the papers and everything was going to work out.

It was finally time to see Jack and Jill and get Alexander!

I lost my breath! And my heart began beating so fast! Butterflies swarmed my stomach.  It was happening!  It was really happening!

After 2 years, we were getting a baby! Our baby!

 

We went into the conference room.  Tears welled in my eyes.  Jill was holding Alexander so tight, her tears freely flowing.

There are no words to describe the moment a mother hands her child to another mother.

The love, trust, grief, sadness, and pain felt by one is mirrored with love, trust, hope, happiness, and joy in the other.  Pure love for the baby fills the entire room.  There is no moment so great or so humbling.

Once he was in my arms, there was nothing left to do.  No party.  No parade. No celebration.  There would be time for celebrations later.  For now, it was just a great sense of gratitude and peace and responsibility and humility.  We just quietly walked out to our car and drove home with the most amazing gift that could ever be given.

Thank you, my lovely friends!